*Note: since posting this an hour or so ago, I have had two moms bitch in various comment sections. I don’t hate moms. I don’t hate infants. But I do hate you if you get offended by satire.
I just got a new job that has me commuting into Downtown Boston again. Regardless of my last job being an actual three minute drive, I honestly do not mind the new commute. I would take Red Line rage over work stress any day, and my new job situation has my stress level at zero percent. I also just love working in Boston. City life. Things happening, people going places, people forgetting basic things like how to walk, weird smells. Not anything against working locally, but driving by the sausage cart on Quincy Ave. in Braintree every day was beginning to make me want to buy a sausage from a cart. There is something to be said about sausage carts in Quintree versus sausage carts next to the Corner Mall. I guess.
Anyways, just because I love the new gig, and I choose to throw ‘bows with petite middle-aged Asian women with bags every morning as soon as the train doors open, (I’m not stereotyping, insignificant studies I’ve conducted in my mind over the years have proven that petite, middle-aged Asian women with bags are the most aggressive T passengers), doesn’t mean I don’t have further complaints about my commute. Just because I’m almost 30 now doesn’t make me any less of a whiny Millennial who still blogs. I came, I saw, I left, I’m back, and I have more stuff to complain about.
So like, SUV inspired strollers during rush hour. Why? Looking at you, MOMS. Rolling up into Park Street pushing what appears to be a fucking Smart Car with a baby sticking out of the windshield. But it’s not, it’s a carriage. What’s the thought process here? Are you taking your infant, and your infant’s bungalow, skating on the frog pond on this crisp Monday morning after a long holiday? Perhaps taking him to fill out an application at Starbucks so he can save up to buy himself some fresh Carters? If so, was it necessary to bring your baby around in that industrial-sized, 5×5, birth control mobile that is probably more effective in preventing pregnancy than a Nuvaring? Because there is currently nothing that turns me off from motherhood more than envisioning myself struggling on an escalator with one of those giant things, sweating as I hear that the next train to Alewife is arriving, and my baby starts making that strainy face babies make when they are shitting. Could you have just gone with the space-saving collapsible stroller? You tell me. In the meantime, your freeloading infant can stand like the rest of us schmucks.
Okay, that’s it for now. No really, I’ve changed and I’m more mature since the last time I road public transport.