Because Molly Said So

This guest blogger wants to remain anonymous, but would like to share with you his best “highdea” ever. Enjoy assholes!

My Best “Highdea” Ever

Like any good Quincy kid, I used to drink myself into oblivion on the reg. Maybe a little more than that. As a matter of fact, when 50 year old career alcoholics are telling you that you’re a drunk, it’s probably time to give it up. I did just that a few years ago at the insistence of my family and that guy from Intervention (not really, but I kept waiting for him to show up. No dice). 

Anyway, I then proceeded to smoke absurd amounts of weed. I would forget pretty much everything, so I began writing down my “highdeas” in a little Spongebob Squarepants notebook. Sadly, I lost it a long time ago (go figure). There was some serious gold in there. Like, I’d be super rich and out of Quincy by now. For serious.

I do remember one of them, however. Yes, only one. One fine fall Saturday afternoon, everyone on Facey was checking in at some of the finer dive bars up and down Hancock Street. Pub crawl? Jealous. Granted, I would’ve never made it past Murphy’s or would’ve ended up nose deep in a scorpion bowl at Trashay Pathetic, but I digress. I had the urge to drink, but I came up with a better higdea: “Fuck a pub crawl, I’m going on a sub crawl!”

The plan was mass amounts of RooR bong hits and enjoying all of my favorite sandwiches in Quincy in between. Clearly, we’d be driving. We’re unapologetically ruthless stoners whose idea of exercise was playing catch with a lit blunt, we’re not walking anywhere. Fucking brilliant, right? I tried to rally the troops, but no dice. Guess where they were. That’s right, on the Pub Crawl. Quincy’d.

Fast forward to today. I’m now 100% sober. I’m still addicted to food however. By food I mean bomb sandwiches. And I still reeeeeallly want to go on a Sub Crawl. I want to gorge myself over the course of two days until I’m sweating a mixture of buffalo sauce and blue cheese. Weymouth need not apply. So who is with me?  Here’s the itinerary, or T’s Top 10 Quincy Sandwiches:

10. Pastrami Sandwich at Brothers Roast Beef- I don’t know about you, but pastrami is one of my go-to cold weather sandwiches. Brothers may not deliver in the buff chick department but it’s dank sandwiches more than make up for it. This one is no exception. It’s neither too fatty nor too salty. They hook it up with a fat pile o’ meat and the Super Pastrami is almost too big(that’s what she said?). I recommend it with provolone or american, onion and light mustard. Make sure you specify light. Believe me when I tell you that there is such thing as too much mustard, and it has been known to ruin a perfectly good Sunday.

9. Boneless BBQ Rib Sandwich at Grumpy’s- If you’ve only had the buff chick sandwich at Grumpy White’s, consider yourself a Grumpy’s noob. This sandwich may sound gross but clearly I know my sandwiches. Especially at Grumpy’s. I grew up right across the street and I can honestly say that I’ve tried everything on the menu (Scallops Nantucket: Sup?). Two factors put this one on the list: GW’s amazing BBQ sauce and price. While the cost of the beloved Buff Chick has skyrocketed since approximately 2004, this guy has been steady hangin’ around the six dollar mark. That’s what’s up. And if you don’t know about Grumpy’s BBQ, what are you waiting for? Go mix it with their buffalo for the best buffaque ever.

8. Honey BBQ Wrap at le 99- No tomato, extra cheese, sub BBQ for Gold Fever, thank me later. Go. Now. Serslah.

7. Fish Sandwich at The Fat Cat- I’m Irish and I love me a good fish sandwich, sorry if you don’t! The Fat Cat, much like Grumpy’s, never disappoints. This thing is enormous (that’s definitely not what she said)! The homemade tartar is great and I recommend adding a slab of American cheese. I’m not a tomato guy but the lettuce and red onion can stay. Fucking love me some red onion.

6. Buffalo Chicken Sub at Pizza Connection- First off, I feel old. I remember when this place was the Alumni Café. That’s the reeeal OG name. Then it was Winter Spring. Meh. It didn’t hit its stride until the current management took over. Yeah, the buff chick calzone is good, but this isn’t a ‘zone crawl, sorry brah. What I like about this one is the quality of the chicken. It’s real chicken and they rarely skimp you on it. They also have pretty dank blue cheese. I’m pretty sure it’s Saratoga. Stoney will know for sure.

5. Italian Sub at Carmine’s- If you’re asking yourself where the hell Carmine’s is, you’ve obviously never been on a Squantum 500. Step your game up. I like small businesses, and my little sister also happens to work there so I gotta show some love. This choice has everything to do with the actual sub. The guy is from Italy so I’m pretty sure he makes a better Italian sandwich than, say, everyone. He uses the finest MFing deli meats, fresh produce, and knows the fine line between not enough and too much mayonnaise. I’d tell you exactly where it is, but then I’d have to I’m lazy as fuck.

4. Sweet Home Alabama Sub at Renaissance Café- At the risk of sounding like a dick, if you haven’t ordered from Renaissance, you fail hard. It was tough deciding what sub to actually put on this list because I haven’t eaten there in a while because I’m lazy. Anywho, the ingredients say it all: Steak tips marinated in honey BBQ and Teriyaki with bacon and a three cheese blend. So let’s see. Real steak, bacon, cheese, and mucho sauce? Pretty fucking American. Get on it. Billings Road for the n00bs.

3. Buff Chick Sub at Grumpy’s- Five years ago, this would’ve fallen squarely at number one. Alas, I was but a Quincy sandwich novice. The amount of chicken has decreased, the price has increased, and the competition has stiffened. Having said that, I’m willing to best most of you already give this one the respect it deserves. It’s like the OG iPod: it invented the market. Not much more needs to be said. Fucking love Buff Chick subs from Grumpy’s. Duh.

2. Super Beef at Brother’s Roast Beef- Of course it’s good. It’s a roast beef shop. The regular beef is good too, I guess. If you’re an un-American little bitch! Step it up to the onion roll. Toppings? Simple: American, BBQ, mayo, onion. Or three way wit’ onion for the reeeal roast beef afficionados/enthusiasts.

1.Buff Chick Wrap at The Fat Cat- Seeing a trend here? Yeah, I love buffalo chicken. One time I had sweet n spicy buff wings at ACME in Rochester, NY (best sauce I’ve had to date) and then drove two hours to Buffalo,NY to eat more wings at Duff’s, the for real for real OG home of the buffalo wing. That’s dedication. Fucking Buffalo Wing Tour 2009 . You may be wondering: What makes the Fat Cat tops in Quincy? Even if you weren’t wondering that, I’d like to tell you. One word: BACON. Any sandwich with bacon on it is going to win out every single time. If you asked me to choose between a dog poop sandwich with or without bacon, I’d tell you to screw. If you pulled a gun, or if you’re “The toughest kid in Quincy”, I’d hafta go with the bacon covered poop. The Fat Cat’s chic take on Buffdom comes on fresh lavash. Obvi, I skip the tomatoes and order extra Blue Cheese on the side. It also has red onion, which gives it the perfect amount of crunch. Get it in.

So there you have it. Lemme know if you think you can hang. I’d also like to throw out a few honorable mentions: Chicken Rancho at Harry’s Pizza, Large Steak and Cheese with extra cheese and bacon and onion at D’angelo’s, Chicken Finger Sub with BBQ and bacon and cheese from Bernie’s (best thing ever to come out of the Neck that isn’t Sea Street), the Chicken Parm at Grumpy’s, the Bobby Orr, the Doug Flutie, and Bobby Riggs from The Fours. But seriously, let’s get a sub crawl. We’ll make t shirts and shit. I know everyone just wants a t shirt. People love t shirts.

Tags: hancock street, scorpion bowl, spongebob squarepants