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YOLO & Other Acronyms That Make Americans Sound Stupid As Fuck

26 Apr

Acronyms are taking over the English language the past decade. You know, TTYL, LOL, LMAO, ROFL, STFU, SMH. Now YOLO: You only live once has joined the mix. Ha. Yeah. In case there was any doubt that you live twice, you’ve got to spread the word that this is a farce. Then just dumb down the entire saying and make it into an acronym and tweet the shit out of it:

“Getting pants-shitting drunk #YOLO”

“Smoking crack #YOLO”

“Eating my kids’ halloween candy because I’m fat & bitter I got pregnant #YOLO”

“Baconator!!!!! #YOLO”

“Running a credit report #YOLO”

“Letting one rip on the train when I get off at my stop #YOLO”

See? There are so many ways to use YOLO! Let the world know what an animal you are. Because you do not live once and a half. You only live once, so be lazy when you type and hashtag the subjectively crazy shit you do.

I don’t know who decides the sayings that will be acronym-ized, but I think it should be me. Because I have some pretty good ideas as to what sayings are important and relevant to every day life. Here’s my list of acronyms I want you to start hashtagging:

#I5OCS: It’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Perfect for functional alcoholics who want an excuse to justify why they are drinking at 11am on a Tuesday.

#SSC?: Spare some change? An adorable and topical way for homeless people to beg for change.

#IGTKMC: I’m going to kill my children. A way for parents to express their rage without sounding dead serious. No calls to DSS necessary.

#YGFIAW: Your girlfriend is a whore. Because we all have a friend who’s girlfriend is a whore. Don’t be harsh. Let that friend know about his girlfriend’s whorey-ness with a sugarcoated acronym.

#YBFICOY: Your boyfriend is cheating on you. Because we all have a friend who’s boyfriend is cheating on them. Don’t tell her what it stands for. Let her figure out the puzzle herself while her boyfriend is out “playing poker” for the night. When she cracks the code, the confidence her cheating boyfriend made her lose, will be replenished by her acronym solving skills.

#SYB: Shave your beard. We all know someone who needs to. It’s not topical anymore. The Bruin’s lost game 7 =(

#IDRYBCYLT: I don’t respect you because you like Twilight. Twilight is ridiculous. It’s about sparkly vampires who are at war with werewolves and both group’s leading single man falls for a girl who’s face looks like she has a wedgie that will never go away. Then the sparkly vampire knocks her up and the half vampire fetus starts feasting on her insides. It’s reading level 1 and an embarrassment to literature and film.

Anyways, those are my acronyms that I hope will start trending by the end of today. They are super helpful and cute and I think they will make Americans look smarter, don’t you?

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23 Responses to “YOLO & Other Acronyms That Make Americans Sound Stupid As Fuck”

  1. Jillian May 5, 2012 at 12:09 pm #

    How sad is it that I’ve heard that song numerous times since it came out and honestly just learned what “YOLO” meant like 3 weeks ago…ahhh haha. Ask me if I’ve ever said ‘YOLO’, absolutely not..have I said “You Only Live Once” oh fuck yeah…plenty of times…I hate acronyms…use proper English and say what you’re try to say! Just sayin’…

    • Jillian May 5, 2012 at 12:12 pm #

      Whoa..what you’re trying to say is what I meant to write..how’s that proper English for you?!

  2. Ginger May 29, 2012 at 7:09 pm #

    YOLO is an insult to all buddhists, hindus and cats. #just saying

    • FLIPNIGGAS June 29, 2012 at 1:05 am #

      No one loves you.

      • FLIPNIGGAS June 29, 2012 at 1:05 am #

        You have no soul.

  3. Brian June 28, 2012 at 6:14 pm #

    An acronym has to form a word, otherwise its just initials. Its not me talking, its Webster

    • M.McKenna June 28, 2012 at 6:22 pm #

      Isn’t it called a “mnemonic device” when it forms a word? Or no, I think that can just be a sentence where each letter starts with the letter one is trying to remember. Like, PEMDAS, Please Excuse My Dear Aunt Sally. Either way, like I said, fuck it.

      • M.McKenna June 28, 2012 at 6:24 pm #

        Well, no. I just looked it up. An acronym doesn’t have to form an already existing word. It’s just initials that are pronounced as a word, even if it’s not a real word. NATO for example.

  4. FLIPNIGGAS June 29, 2012 at 1:04 am #

    Ginger. You are a Ginger, therefore your opinion is not valid.

  5. dumbass October 2, 2012 at 12:00 am #

    That make americans stupid as fuck? I’m pretty sure in your poverted country they say that too.

    • Molly October 2, 2012 at 12:45 am #

      I’m American, dipshit. Take a joke.

    • H8sSepticTanks September 20, 2013 at 5:48 am #

      Yeah but we all know these types of things originate with the lowest common denominators AKA Americans. You’d be shitting yourself if you said otherwise.

  6. ashlee November 5, 2012 at 12:28 am #

    This is what you think makes Americans stupid? I suppose I’ll take my Biochemistry degree and toss it to the wind.

    • Molly November 5, 2012 at 2:08 pm #

      It’s not serious. Calm down.

  7. yourmom December 31, 2012 at 11:29 pm #

    What a dumb, opinionated article. You obviously have no knowledge on the history of human language or English for that matter. Languages and common lingos evolve, just like technology and everything else. Get over it or gtfo. There are lots of problems here, but acronyms in texting is not one of them.

    • Molly December 31, 2012 at 11:31 pm #

      Creative username, Your Mom!

  8. Geoff Hennessy February 4, 2013 at 1:31 am #

    HERE

    • Henndog February 4, 2013 at 1:34 am #

      Here’s one for ya: GLYBEETYAA. “God loves you but everyone else thinks you’re and asshole”.

  9. läs mera May 9, 2013 at 1:56 pm #

    Fantastic read, I just passed this particular onto a pal who was simply doing some research with that. And actually acquired me lunch since I found it for him have fun So let me rephrase this: Thank you for lunchtime!

  10. German May 17, 2013 at 8:47 am #

    I’ve been exploring for a little bit for any high-quality articles or weblog posts in this kind of area . Exploring in Yahoo I ultimately stumbled upon this site. Studying this information So i’m
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    • dumbcunt December 31, 2013 at 6:26 pm #

      becausemollysadumbcuntdotcom Aside from YOLO and any more recent twitter hashtag bullshit all of those came from text shorthand. Unless you wanted to pay through the nose every time you sent a text message you would use shorthand where you could.

      • Molly December 31, 2013 at 6:28 pm #

        Eat multiple dicks.

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