Acronyms are taking over the English language the past decade. You know, TTYL, LOL, LMAO, ROFL, STFU, SMH. Now YOLO: You only live once has joined the mix. Ha. Yeah. In case there was any doubt that you live twice, you’ve got to spread the word that this is a farce. Then just dumb down the entire saying and make it into an acronym and tweet the shit out of it:
“Getting pants-shitting drunk #YOLO”
“Smoking crack #YOLO”
“Eating my kids’ halloween candy because I’m fat & bitter I got pregnant #YOLO”
“Running a credit report #YOLO”
“Letting one rip on the train when I get off at my stop #YOLO”
See? There are so many ways to use YOLO! Let the world know what an animal you are. Because you do not live once and a half. You only live once, so be lazy when you type and hashtag the subjectively crazy shit you do.
I don’t know who decides the sayings that will be acronym-ized, but I think it should be me. Because I have some pretty good ideas as to what sayings are important and relevant to every day life. Here’s my list of acronyms I want you to start hashtagging:
#I5OCS: It’s 5 o’clock somewhere. Perfect for functional alcoholics who want an excuse to justify why they are drinking at 11am on a Tuesday.
#SSC?: Spare some change? An adorable and topical way for homeless people to beg for change.
#IGTKMC: I’m going to kill my children. A way for parents to express their rage without sounding dead serious. No calls to DSS necessary.
#YGFIAW: Your girlfriend is a whore. Because we all have a friend who’s girlfriend is a whore. Don’t be harsh. Let that friend know about his girlfriend’s whorey-ness with a sugarcoated acronym.
#YBFICOY: Your boyfriend is cheating on you. Because we all have a friend who’s boyfriend is cheating on them. Don’t tell her what it stands for. Let her figure out the puzzle herself while her boyfriend is out “playing poker” for the night. When she cracks the code, the confidence her cheating boyfriend made her lose, will be replenished by her acronym solving skills.
#SYB: Shave your beard. We all know someone who needs to. It’s not topical anymore. The Bruin’s lost game 7 =(
#IDRYBCYLT: I don’t respect you because you like Twilight. Twilight is ridiculous. It’s about sparkly vampires who are at war with werewolves and both group’s leading single man falls for a girl who’s face looks like she has a wedgie that will never go away. Then the sparkly vampire knocks her up and the half vampire fetus starts feasting on her insides. It’s reading level 1 and an embarrassment to literature and film.
Anyways, those are my acronyms that I hope will start trending by the end of today. They are super helpful and cute and I think they will make Americans look smarter, don’t you?