Have you guys ever seen the Disney Pixar movie UP? If so, did it make you want to stick your head in an oven and die? Because that’s how it made me feel. Let me spoil it for you in case you’ve never seen it. It’s about a kid who falls in love with the little tomboy girl in his neighborhood and they grow old together. The first few minutes shows how they go on these make believe adventures together, and start a collection for a real trip to beautiful Paradise Falls. But life’s bullshit gets in the way, and they need the money for house repairs and other crap. And throughout this montage of their life flashing before our eyes, it shows how happy and in love these two people were, frolicking up hills and what not. But it also shows this insanely sad stuff. Like how the wife couldn’t have babies. Um, isn’t this a kids movie? What the fuck!? Despite the fact that their dreams of children is gone, they carry on and have an amazing life together. Then the wife gets some terminal illness or something. And suddenly she can’t climb up those happy hills without her husband carrying her up it. And then she dies, causing the old man to be bitter and pissed off. And we all want to kill ourselves.
I will ask again: Disney…what the FUCK was THAT!? I want to be happy while I watch Disney movies. I mean, don’t you think that Mufasa’s death by wilderbeast stampede was bad enough? Or when Copper tells Tod that he can’t be friends anymore in the Fox & the Hound? Of when Bambi’s mom died? Or when Quasimodo is humiliated and abused and tortured at the Feast of Fools in The Hunchback of Notre Dame? Or when all the toys in Toy Story 3 are almost incinerated before the aliens save them? Like…fuck! Thanks Disney, for reminding us that we are all pieces of shit who neglect our stuffed animals and toys and that our parents are going to die when our dickhead uncle Scar pushes them off cliffs. Also thanks for reminding us that our crowd mentality makes us complete assholes who bully ugly people and make them hide in towers their entire lives. If you didn’t notice, I’m being sarcastic. Because we already knew all this shit! Disney just had to rub it in our faces. So let me remind Disney that they are the creepers who draw subliminal pictures of dicks in King Triton’s castle.
Okay, fuck it. Just watch this and let it ruin your day on your own accord: