99 Problems & a Bitch is Sometimes One…

I’ve been having a hard time writing lately because life has been busy. Quick update that you don’t care about: I moved from Wollaston to the edge of Hospital Hill (I say the edge of Hospital Hill because I don’t want to say Quincy Center). Fantastic news is I have a breathtaking view of the Adams Mansion from my bed. I really have it made. Not so fantastic news is I live too close to the gym and can no longer say that I don’t have time to go. My real big girl job has also been busy and the smell of Chinatown in hot weather makes me tired (I think the same chemicals that are in turkey & make you tired are also in the Chinatown air).  I’ve also been busy drinking wine and watching shitty television shows.

So anyways, even though I haven’t been blogging much, I have been observing things being said on social media/in the news and I’ve been forming opinions. And I’ve noticed a lot of people (mostly female) bitching about men. Saying that men are dogs and pigs and jackasses and all these other negative adjectives comparing the male species to animals. And I have to set the record straight and remind everyone that sometimes girls are dogs and pigs and jackasses, too. I feel kind of bad that men are always the sex that is associated with piggish behavior. I know plenty of girls who act like pigs! Pig sluts, pig heads, slam pigs, etc.! Not all girls are pigs, but neither are all men.

I think the main issue here is that the girls who are always calling men out have had bad experiences with a guy (or multiple guys) and the pig-man seed is planted in the back of their brains. I just wish these girls would dig around under their beds for their Alanis Morisette Jagged Little Pill CD’s, dust them off, and listen to them…a lot. Get some of that rage out by listening to You Oughta Know, punch a picture of Joey Gladstone, and then immediately play Head Over Feet, and move on. Not all guys cheat. Yeah, a lot of them do. But not all. You can find a good guy! Just stop looking for dickheads.

That  being said, let’s go back to talking about girls who are pigs. As I age deeper into my 20′s, I hear more and more about girls seeking men with money. That’s not cool. Get your own goddamn money! Women should know that they can be financially independent on their own. Why would any smart female want to rely solely on a man for money? I make my own money, I don’t need anyone’s charity! This isn’t the fucking 50′s! This is the 00′s and the divorce rate is higher than 50/50. Get a grip and hold yourself up. And don’t be ashamed to pay for your boyfriend sometimes. You want to go out to dinner and drinks every night? Don’t expect your boyfriend to pay every night. No one likes a mooch. Speaking of mooches, some chicks even go out to the bars for the night with no money because they expect random men they flirt with to pay for their drinks. What the shit is THAT?! If you can’t afford to go out, then don’t go out. If you go out (with money!) and a guy you are talking to offers to buy you a drink, then fine, that’s great. But don’t go out with no back up and the intention of scamming men into getting you 17 vodka and soda waters with a splash of cranberry!!! As for taken girls, don’t expect your boyfriend to buy you extravagant gifts every stupid little holiday that you don’t even celebrate because you’re an athiest or agnostic or whatever! Some girls ask me “Oh what did your boyfriend get you for Christmas?”, and I tell them what he got me (which is always a very generous gift, but if it’s something I don’t need, I tell him not to bother spending a shit-ton of money), and when I tell them what he got me, they will be like “Oh is that it?”. Um yeah, that’s it. I didn’t expect a trip to Paris, Italy and Greece and a Brahmin bag. I just needed a new reasonably priced pocketbook because I use mine until they are literally falling apart. If you are the kind of girl who wants to spend 2,000 on a fucking bag, then all the power to you. I just hope you are buying it for yourself and don’t have the audacity to ask your boyfriend to buy it for you.

Another thing I’ve noticed is that while most cheating men will straight up go out and cheat on their partners blatantly, women are much more sneaky when they cheat. They go out of their way to change their passwords to their phones, and Facebook, and whatever else has passwords. They create these intricate fool-proof stories when they are out doing scandalous shit. They make damn sure that no one who knows about their behavior is in their inner circle. Then if they are accused of something minor, they flip the fuck out, turn the situation around, and go into zombie face eating mode and start screaming at their boyfriend about circles of trust and something about listening skills and “YOU NEVER DO THE DISHES! WHY CAN’T YOU BE LIKE DAWSON LEERY OR NOAH CALHOUN OR REAL LIFE RYAN GOSLING!?!?!??! RAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”. It’s just crazy.

My point here is, maybe you’re a girl who has had a douchebag boyfriend or 10 in the past. If that’s the case, put those douchebags in the past and keep them there and don’t categorize all men as pigs. Take a little bit of responsibility if you are a chronic douche-dater. Admit that you have shitty taste and vow to change it. I hear girls say they “have a thing for bad boys”. Okay, so date a guy who does minor bad things…like a guy who jaywalks or one who doesn’t give a shit that jhorts are fugly, or one who scream at 10 year old’s while playing Call of Duty. Don’t date a real bad boy, like an alcoholic who abuses his elderly grandma and gives you the pet name “Skank-hoe”. Just because you have come across some bad men doesn’t mean that all guys are pigs. And it definitely doesn’t make it acceptable for you to act like a pig/dog.