When you are busy judging people for being ripping white trash, do you ever stop for a second to ask yourself if YOU are ripping white trash? Me neither. But take this quiz anyways because, fuck it…maybe you’re white trash and didn’t have a clue. And I’m not talking about the obviously trashy things that trashy people do, like have sexual relations with their cousin. I’m talking about a collective amount of small things that add up to being trashy. Remember, we can’t change what we don’t acknowledge. If you are are someone who is preaching against white trash, and you are white trash…well, people are just going to think you’re not only poor, but also stupid. Okay, here we go:
1. Are you white? (If not, please take my future quiz “Are YOU Ghetto? Take This Quiz To Find Out!”. if yes, proceed to question 2!!!
2. Do you own a Metro PCS phone and enjoy taking pictures of your children doing mediocre things and uploading them to Facebook?
A) Why yes, I love my Metro PCS phone, in fact, I got a discount on it at the cart at the mall for getting freaky with this guy Jamal who works there!
B) Yeah, I have one but this shit sucks almost as bad as being poor.
C) Absolutely not.
3. Do you ask people to exchange food stamps for money on your Facebook statuses?
A) Yes, how else can I buy booze for me and my family?
B) No, I ask to exchange food stamps for DRUGS. Get it right.
C) No, that’s trashy.
4. Do you find yourself sympathizing with some of the guests on Maury?
A) Hell yeah, we all been there! Like the time my sista was fuckin’ my husband while I was on vacation in Hull! Fuckin’ skank HOE…
B) Sometimes, it’s not like you can help being born into white trash.
C) No, those people are the scum of the earth and should be annihilated.
5. Is your grandma under the age of 40?
A) Yes, that bitch is MAD old.
B) Yeah, shamefully.
C) No, that would mean my mom was like 12 when she got pregnant.
6. Are you unable to afford curtains or drapes?
A) Shit’s expensive, I use beach towels instead a’ that shit! It look reaaaal nice!
B) I can’t afford them, but I’m saving up.
C) What the fuck?
7. What would you do if your boyfriend took you to The Olive Garden for your first date?
A) Marry that man!
B) Eat in silence.
C) Excuse myself to the bathroom and never look back.
8) You need money QUICK. How do you plan to get it?
A) Seek a job in the gay adult film industry.
B) Sell meth.
C) Get a job that is legal and go to work to earn your money.
9. Have you ever done drugs with your mom or dad?
A) My parents sell me my drugs.
B) Yeah, with my grandma, too. She’s young at heart. Especially around the holiday season.
10. What is your favorite among the following sports?
A) Nascar. Hands down.
B) A tie between basketball and horseshoes.
11. Do you frequently say the N word, even though you are white?
A) Fuck yeah, if them people can say it, so can I! I also talk in ebonics even though I live in the poor section of the suburbs! Fuck it!
B) Sometimes, by accident. And sometimes I get drunk and say it on the internet.
C) No, not even Gwyneth Paltrow could get with that. Just wrong.
12. How many times have you been in the Patriot ledger?
A) 5-43 times. Fuck the police.
B) Once. But I’ve since cleaned up after having 7 kids.
C) Once, but it was because I made honor roll or graduated.
Okay guys, time to get your results to the quiz! Now, mark down with a pencil and paper how many A’s, B’s, and C’s you have!
Mostly A’s: Congratulations! You are ripping white trash.
Mostly B’s: You are white trash. At least you’re not ripping white trash. I guess.
Mostly C’s: Based on your answers in this quiz, you are not white trash. But if you are banging your cousin, you are.