Remember how awesome television was when you were a kid in the 90′s? I know, I hate saying “Our generations so much better than your generation!”, but it’s so F’ing true in this case. The 90′s were bad ass, especially considering the TV shows that we watched back then. I’m not someone who has no experience with all of today’s kids’ shows, either. My niece is almost 7 years old and she watches all of this shit. I guess as long as she’s outgrown Caillou I can’t complain too much. But seriously, Disney and Nick need to step it up on programming. Hannah Montana? What the fuck is that? (I’m aware it’s dunzo, but it’s still considered a show belonging to this generation of kids in my book). Seriously, it’s about a girl who puts on a blonde wig and lives a double life as a pop star. Stupid. I mean, it could have worked for Mary Kate and Ashley, I guess. But they weren’t smoking Salvia on the sidelines.
Ughhh, my achy breaky heart longs for the days of TGIF and Pete & Pete. And speaking of song lyrics, what the hell is up with all these corny ass musical sitcoms? High School Musical…don’t the young girls watching this shit know that Zac Efron is gay and Vanessa Hudgens is a whore? No, but really, why is everyone singing and dancing their way through high school? If someone broke out in song and dance in the middle of the cafeteria when I was in high school, they’d be taken out in a stretcher and accused of day drinking. Then Palumbo would probably make them pee on a stick when they got back from their suspension. Then they’d be singing and dancing with the degenerates in the GOALS program. And no one would be giggly and filled with sunshine anymore. Because I swear, that place has barbed wire around it. (I just tried to Google an image of the GOALS building, but no dice. You can’t really photograph a broken dream.) Don’t even get me started on Glee. Grown adults were even all over that shit. Fucking “Gleeks”. I have to admit, I don’t get it. It’s like High School Musical in sitcom form. I decided to give it a try when Britney Spears made a guest appearance. It was just some glee club weirdos performing Britney music. But they neglected to perform the song “Everytime”, because I don’t think they wanted to show Lea Michelle killing herself in a bath tub. Someone with her smile wouldn’t drown herself on purpose. I mean, yeah, sometimes there was singing on 90′s shows. But the singing was done by The Beach boys or at least gave us corny Uncle Jesse music videos to laugh at for years to come. Nowadays if an actor can’t sing and dance, they can consider themselves screwed in Hollywood. So lame considering that every single time a singalong occurred on any of my favorite shows back in the day, I felt second hand embarrassment and had to leave the room. Why can’t good shows like Boy Meets World make a comeback? Maybe it’s because there are no more Savage brothers left to fill the shoes of Corey Mathews and Kevin Arnold. Or maybe it’s because kids and preteens of this generation are just lame hipsters who heart recycling and think Lil Wayne is the lyrical genius of this day and age/second coming of Christ if Christ had dreads. I really don’t get it. I wonder how Rider Strong feels about it. I bet he loves it because he strikes me as a super emo. I just wish everyone would stop dancing and singing. Is that too much to ask? Do we need a performance before every commercial break? And if so, why can’t we just watch Dancing With The Stars and fill our needs with an actual dance competition. All this dancing is reminding me of Kid Incorporated, and I hated that show. The second I heard the start of that silly ass theme song, I would scramble for the clicker. I mean…what does Carl Winslow think of all this shit? Fo reeeeaaaal!