I asked Barney to write a blog about his ideal wife. He reluctantly accepted this challenge when I told him that he had to write it, as I had already written a teaser status update on my Facebook and 8 people had “liked” it. Barney doesn’t like to disappoint potential one night stands, so he got to writing…and inbox’ed me 3 minutes later. Here is Barney’s (100% unedited) “dream” wife:
“Seeing as i was conned into writing this blog ill give you what im “looking” for in a wife, thats if i even get married and since the divorce rate is higher than the marriage rate im not liking those odds. Now first things first i can not stand white girls, spent most of my life with them and ive come to the conclusion that i just cant be with them. If i were to be with one she would have to be completely italian like micheal corleones first wife in sicily from godfather part one, if you dont know her here she is:
Or a swedish girl, like the hot blonde from the first james bond movie Dr. No:
Other than that im into exotic woman from south america, so into them that ive goten to the point where i can see one and tell you what part of south america she hails from. Now that ive goten looks outta the way…ya thats right she has to look good too, i dont wanna wake up every day to some ugly lookin beast c’mon now. She would have to be into the same music,and movies as me cause i cant be with someone who listens to country or techno and watching movies like legally blonde or the harry potter movies. Surprisingly i wouldnt mind if she didnt cook cause i can cook, and i wouldnt want her to clean cause i have a raging case of OCD and want it done my way. Other than that thats pretty much it, im a real picky person and hard to deal with so if you had hopes of marrying me i just totally denied you via blog. Have a nice day”
…So, any ladies who look like that interested in a date with Barney? Make yourself a fixture in Quincy Center, Waterclub, Peggy’s, or JJ’s. He’ll be there looking for you…creeping…lurking…watching.