I need to let you in on a little secret that I’ve been keeping to myself for a long time. As depressing as it may be for you to accept: Karma does not exist. Sorry dude. And sorry Justin Timberlake for debunking the lyrics to your catchy song. But I keep seeing Facebook statuses and tweets, while also hearing the word uttered out of the mouths of the scorned who swear by the powers of KARMA. While karma sounds like a majestical spiritual entity that serves justice in the name of those wronged, it also provides false hope of equilibrium in the universe, when there is not. I find myself saying it to people who complain to me about getting screwed over, just because it sounds nice and like the right thing to say to someone who I want to shut up. “Well, don’t worry GURL! What goes around comes around! Karma!”. But I know the truth deep down. That ugly 3 letter sentence that our parents exclaimed when we were whining about not getting enough candy from the pinata: LIFE ISN’T FAIR. Yup, that’s the truth. Life isn’t fair and sometimes what goes around doesn’t come back around to bite your enemy in the bum. Ya follow? If not, consider this:
- Bad things happen to good people.
- Bad things happen to bad people.
- Good things happen to good people.
- Good things happen to bad people.
- These things happen in no particular order and there is no trend.
- These things aren’t always equal.
Did that help in making you feel worse? Yeah, sorry about that. But it’s true. Think of that friend in your group of friends that has everything handed to him/her. They have it easy in every realm of life. Mommy pays their bills. Daddy gave them a sweet job in which they are un-fire-able at. You know that if not for the help they are given that they would be screwed. You secretly yearn for the day that reality punches them in their face so that you can think to yourself “Well, now I see that my way, which was more difficult, was the route to go”. And maybe that day will come. But probably not. Is determination and hard work really even that rewarding? Yeah, it is. But this person who is handed things is happy as a pig in ish without the perseverance and stress. And what really happens is this person continues to do what they want and get paid for being a shmuck. And then their mom and dad get in a freak mo-ped accident and cease to exist. You think to yourself, “Well, now that his/her parents aren’t around, this person needs to figure stuffout!” But then the life insurance policy check and inheritance is deposited into your friend’s bank account. And he/she is still all set. Maybe they are a terrible person, but many terrible people lead normal, happy, and satisfying lives. The only thing you can really hope for is that your friend burns in hell or is reincarnated into a butthole. But does hell even exist and can you even be reincarnated into a butthole or into anything for that matter? And even if these religious ideas do exist, maybe this terrible person will pray for forgiveness on their deathbed and end up at the gates of heaven while you are burning in the fiery abyss of hell for being jealous and spiteful.
So next time someone calls you a butff face or does the dirty with your boyfriend while you’re blindly prancing around Nantasket beach in a sarong, maybe you should just accept the fact that life isn’t fair. In fact, life is crap sometimes. If you embrace this idea, it will prevent you from flipping out when this terrible human/homewrecker has something wonderful happen to them. I mean yeah, I guess you can take solace in the fact that something bad will eventually happen to this person, but something bad happens to everyone and eventually something good will probably happen to this person again. Maybe 75 bad things will happen before something good happens to you and those 75 bad things don’t mean that when something good does happen it will make up for the bad. You could just win free tickets to a concert, only to find out it’s to a Peter Paul & Mary cover band. This isn’t the powers above punishing you for stealing a pack of Juicy Fruit when you were 12. Just because your parents got divorced when you were 3 doesn’t mean that you will be the next Selena Gomez. Certain events just have nothing to do with each other. The cops might not catch the clown who robbed your house and stole your Ipad and exchanged it for meth. In fact, maybe this meth head will end up turning into the likes of Jesse Pinkman and be the man. And you have to go back to using your old, beat-up Dell that has no sound because you spilled ginger ale on the speakers. There is no particular order, or equality to certain isolated events. So maybe you should prepare yourself for life and accept that life isn’t fair and just be happy for the good things that happen to you and learn from the bad stuff, and stop waiting around for some spiritual stuff to happen as a form of punishment. I mean, stop acting like such a sadist. There are coincidences, so you can stop with the trippy delusions of alleged religious happenings. Someone spit in your coffee because you’re rude and cheap, not because you slept with your married boss and Buddha is unhappy with you. Karma doesn’t exist. It just sounds pretty. Ouch. That hurt.