Dear Kim Kardashian’s Baby,
First of all, I refuse to refer to you as “Kimye’s Baby”. That would mean assuming that Kanye is the baby’s daddy, and there are just too many potential Maury paternity test result memes to go around making “Imma let you finish” punchlines. As if this is a definite. Now that I’ve cleared that up, I can move on to more important things. Such as how unstable and psychotic you make me feel. I want to hate you, and you are only a fetus. Why must the two most awful human beings to grace Hollywood come together to create you? This is not okay.
Second of all, please let us know your intentions. I know that as a fetus, this could be difficult for you. You cannot speak, at most a muffled gurgle from inside the womb. But I need a sign from you to let me know that everything is going to be alright. That E! will not have a special featuring Kim delivering you in a bathtub made of gold. That society won’t fall for this shit again, and Kris Jenner won’t prosper from it. That there will be no Kardashian Krib Kollection at Sears. You can send this sign in the form of a swift kick into the abdomen of the famewhore herself.
I can’t hate you, Kim Kardashian’s Baby. You’re a fetus, not yet a baby. And I pray that you won’t have to look at *Frankenberry fresh out of the womb. But know this: when the age of rational thinking and problem solving hits, if you haven’t gone the way of Macauley Culkin, full emancipation from the Kardashian/West union, consider yourself *Speidi’ed to me. Mark my words.
Love Always,
Scott Disick’s #1 fan
*Khloe
*Dead.
I Love Responding to Rude Comments! Part 3
6 DecI think from now on I will just put all rude comments sent to me in their own category called “I Love Responding to Rude Comments!”. I just can’t contain myself from calling people out after they call me out when they have ridiculous email addresses. Like, honest to fucking God, why don’t people change their email addresses after middle school?! I gave up MollyPop87@yahoo.com back when AIM went out of style. Everyone else needs to follow suit and get rid of these insane email addresses because if they don’t they will NEVER be taken seriously. Like yeah, maybe I am a “hypocritical cunt” like this girl Sarah says I am. My blog’s email is pretty lame. But her email address is JuicyFruit45@gmail.com. All credibility for her argument is out the window. I mean, these kinds of email addresses scream trashy. For real. She doesn’t strike me as the type to know how to put a resume together, but if she does have one, do you think she puts this email address as a contact method on it? I would hope that this is just her personal/junk mail email address, and not her primary/professional one. I could never leave a comment somewhere leaving THAT as my email address. Get some shame, girl! At the very least make up an email that isn’t a flavor of the suckiest Wrigley’s gum, and maybe add an “@edu”. Feel free to drop Sarah a line at JuicyFruit45@gmail.com. I think she needs a female friend to tell her when she’s being irrational, and maybe a career counselor.
I reached out to her myself:
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Tags: hello kitty, justin bieber, kim kardashian, stupid email addresses, trashy